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A jokes created by myself A:Give the lolicon a shot of medicine to cure his illness B: I think the shot is lack of something. A: what is it lack of? B: A 9mm O.(shoot)

Long time no see..... Well, it seems too Chinglish. Over last 6 weeks, I spent 230 hours on English at least........ But damn it, I can't speak English fluently.(Especially for speaking, totally sucks). However reading and writing make some progress, not fast enough, but somewhat acceptable for me. English is too difficult for East Asians........ Especially for Chinese native speakers. For us there are not many so called grammars. So things like tenses (such as past tense, present tense, future tense) are rarely mentioned. In Chinese, there are no changes for verbs. No matter when events you are talking about happen, verb forms don't change. I eat breakfast and I ate breakfast and I will eat breakfast. The verbs are the same in Chinese, all are "吃", no "吃ed", no "will 吃". So form changes are new and strange for us. Well..... even in Japanese, there are some form changes for verbs.Although some pronunciations don't exist in Japanese, for example r.... so for Japanese, they may pronounce the word "revolution" as "levolution". Well.... compared with this, I would rather choose to learn form changes.

keep diaries......(well, to some extent, keeping diaries can mollify my nerves. I'm too anxious, even can't sleep well. When I had a nap this noon, I turned over and over again in the bed.But think of it, nowadays, I experience my dream life. I read my favorite books, write articles, and my parents and grandma accompany me. It's soothing I think.) this afternoon, I didn't learn anything until now, I want to rest this day. However, why don't I learn more?? Even a little, I could make some progress. And upset and tightened nerves are slightly confusing.......Right? why do I worry something after years, even dozens of years? Enjoy yourself buddy, You conquered so many difficulties to have a normal life, every single day you could sense feelings is extra for you. If bad luck had befallen on me, I would have been dead for 7 years. If this had been not a turn point, I would have medicines now. Just six months ago, I thought I couldn't graduate from the university, but I have graduated.Look at your diploma, that's an evidence that proves things aren't as hopeless as you thought. Nervousness and anxiety and upset, they are all normal. No one can escape them, just try being accustomed to them. One year and three months ago, could you dare to imagine you would keep diaries in English? But look what you are doing, you are dong it in the way that you have a simple meal. Just do it, just do more, I can understand sometimes you breakdown, that's no problem, no one could have a steel will.But when panic goes away, just do.That's all..... it's a diary full of complaints and it must be annoying to read.......you have dealt with it, keep going forward! Do what you like, focus on it, spend time and enjoy it.

Ok, it's to write today's diary......... Nervous, still very nervous.The exam is nearer and nearer, but preparation is totally a mess. I don't hate present life, not very much. Because over the last 7 years, I don't have too much time to learn what I'm interested(Although in college I have learned something about law, economic, sociology.....my psychological state was not very well, or in other words, just away from death. Partly because I lacked of determination and persistence, not all due to illness, I have to admit that ). And it's the first time I have all I need to learn something I'm eager to over the past years. But I'm tired, very tired....... I imagined what would happen when I recovered then. In my imagination I should have a period of time to play, to waste time in anything I want. I want to travel, from north to south. My country is one of the largest countries all over the world. It's so expansive that when it's morning in the farthest east, the farthest west is evening. Well...... now I'm alike a donkey pushed by a whip. The graduation thesis(it's an American usage...I look up the words online), after that, preparation for the postgraduate entrance exam. Frankly speaking...... I'm exhausted already. Depression is alike an insurmountable hurdle, or a cruel race where if you lose, you will lose everything you have including your own life. I jumped over the hurdle, I won the race.But damn it, why do I have to be so busy...... where's mu trophy? At least a vacation I think is very reasonable and fair . However nothing~ nothing happened. Complain, and murmur a lot, it's enough. Well......not very satisfied about the current situation, however, not very dissatisfied as well. Recovery is much better than sickness though.O Life what do you prepare for me?

Well, over last week, I didn't write any diaries......(I wonder if there is really someone who will read my diaries or in other words total nonsense) because of the coming examine, I'm very anxious and nervous now, then I'm absentminded when I learn or do something else. Well, genuinely...... it feels too awful. (Although this afternoon I didn't do anything except reading posts on apps) , this noon, I spoke with ChatGPT then asked it to evaluate my spoken English, The outcomes were not good. It's not bad though. My spoken English level is between solid B2 and B2+, 3 months ago I just reached B2-....... While, knowing your progress is slower than you thought is unhappy. I knew I have made some progress, In my family, my spoken English may be the best one(but it's useless though). Learning is a long long journey, so long that it makes people want to give up. However, I think I benefit from English a lot. Most of time when I wanted to rest for a while, I discovered that only English books and series are interesting for me.(Well although I can't write some excellent articles and speak fluently, my listening and reading parts of English are enough for me to consume most of videos and books) , see I learn some new words, such as glottis, axon, vandalize. Some of them are anatomy and neuroscience terminologies. and some nouns for describing abilities and qualities. Such as thrift and frugality. Well some words looks like advanced words I guess?? And some words are too strange, for example socialpat, It means a maniac......... That's all. It's been so cold here, why is northern globe so cold now??!!!

Yesterday I rested for a half of day, during which I felt a little boring......... Reading novels? boring....... however sleeping made me fell comfortable and chill. From this, maybe beds are best destinations and true paradises for ordinary people(Maybe only include imbeciles and neets like me?). And I comment a post on a chat app in which the person who released the post asked who would like philosophy and were there handsome or beautiful people addicted to philosophy? My comment for it was that no way........ Almost all people who loved philosophy had not-very-good-looking figures. Because if you love philosophy, first practically, you will spend much of time reading books. However after sitting on chairs too much, hips becomes big....... and glasses become thicker and thicker. Who could think it's beautiful or striking? For interest, if you truly love something, you don't pay less attention to other's comments(But please keep yourself clean and tidy!pay necessary attention to your hygiene!) .

I'm here.......I begun write a light novel about the love between an elder brother and a younger sister. The plot is kind of stereotypical, but I think sometimes traditional plot has its own charm, which is easier for the beginner(Alright, actually it because I'm a total lolicon, the younger sister is a loli in my settings.) Anyway, writing is intriguing, but because of my English ability, I have difficulty when I write. It's frequent that I know a word can express my feeling. However I can't remember how to spell it, then I have to look up the dictionary from time to time(I recommend Cambridge Dictionary, which is very friendly for beginner but isn't very precise for the meanings of words.). And I plan to translate one book about social neurology.(It's a new subject emerging about 20 years ago,which researches the interaction between neurology and sociology). English is so interesting! Anyway, thanks for reading my diary, hoping you all are happy and lucky.

Well I don't want to practice my writing, which is too boring. However, why don't I write a novel instead? I have been eager to write my own novel from high school. So let's begin becoming a novelist. Maybe one day, I could achieve all of my dreams from my childhood.

I jog for around 40 min everyday and then I gain about 2kg in 2 weeks. It's so hurting!! I feel more energetic and have more force though. What so ever, just keep jogging.As for my weight.........Depend on God!

I always tell many people around myself something seems very easy and understandable for me. For example, for any investment, the most important thing is the safety of your money! Not the yields! Before do anything, think about the worst scenario. The plan for the worst scenario is the most vital part of any activity, which is meant to prevent you from falling into the abyss. As for the probable success, no matter what, you could enjoy it and reap the fruits. It's happy and exciting when you succeed, but don't blind yourself by pay all your attention to the promising future, think more about the failure. However I don't mean you should be pessimism about everything and don't take any risk, which is impossible in the real world. Because when you drink water, you maybe choke to death by water (lol). If you want to keep away from all risks, graves are the only safe places. What I want to say is that you should be prepare for the worst scenario, and encourage yourself to face the future. What will happen for the future? Only god knows it........ That's all, thanks for your reading the nonsense. Hope everyone happy today~