Morpheus Being
Morpheus Being
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"Blessed are the cracked for they let the light shine in" ~ Spike Milligan.
Pronouns he/him/his.
In the end, all that matters is:
* how gently you lived?
* how much you loved?
* how well did you learn to let go of things not meant for you?
#SciFi #Linux #LaTeX #Reading #Photography #Art #LeatherCraft #Permaculture #SolarPower #Motorcycles #Movies
Please look at and buy leather goods to help me survive. Https://utgt.net/shop
Live simply so that others may simply live.
#Joke #Humour
A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S. and couldn't find a job at a hospital.
So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read:
“Cure for any disease for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!”
One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.”
Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!”
Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.”
A few days later, the lawyer came back.
Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.”
Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.”
Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!”
Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.”
Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time.
Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!”
Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.”
The doctor handed him… $20.
Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!”
Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.”
#Joke #Humour
I had a call from a scammer the other day
Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>;
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it's already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Ok.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”
#Joke #Humour
Monday morning at school, the teacher lined up all the students to present their weekend homework assignment:
“Sell something, and explain your sales strategy.”
Sally went first.
“I sold Girl Scout cookies and made $30,” she said proudly.
“My approach was appealing to people’s sense of community and supporting local troops.”
“Excellent, Sally,” said the teacher.
Next up was Jenny.
“I sold magazines and made $45,” she said.
“I told people it would keep them up to date on world events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” the teacher nodded.
Then came Little Johnny, lugging a giant cardboard box that he plopped on the teacher’s desk.
Out spilled a mountain of cash.
The teacher blinked. “Johnny… how much did you make?”
“Two thousand, one hundred sixty-seven dollars.”
The class gasped. “What were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes.”
The teacher blinked again. “Toothbrushes?! How on earth did you sell that many?”
Johnny grinned. “At first, I couldn’t sell a single one. Nobody cared about toothbrushes. So I changed my strategy.”
“I set up a free chips and dip stand downtown during the lunch rush. Everyone who came by tried the dip.”
He paused. “And every single person said the same thing”
“Ew! This tastes like dog crap!”
Johnny nodded. “‘It is, I told them. Now… would you like to buy a toothbrush?’”
The class erupted in laughter.
The teacher, barely keeping a straight face, said, “Johnny… that’s disgusting! But… oddly impressive. What do you call that sales strategy?”
Johnny shrugged. “The government method: give people something crappy for free, then make them pay to fix it.”
#Feminism
#Joke #Humour
The Skinny Lumberjack
A very thin fellow wandered into a lumberjacking outfit’s personnel office and announced that he was looking for a job. The hiring manager looked the guy over and said, “You don’t look like you can even hold an axe, much less swing one.” The skinny fellow said, ”I may not look like much, but I can cut down trees like nobody you’ve ever seen before.” The manager pointed out 5 large trees and told the man to cut them down and to come see him when he was done. Handing the man an axe, he walked back into the office figuring that was the last he’d see of him. 20 minutes later, the thin fellow was back. “All done,” he said. The manager said, “You mean to tell me you cut down those 5 huge trees in 20 minutes?!? Where’d you learn to lumberjack like that?!” The man replied, “The Sahara Forest.” Manager said, “You mean the Sahara Desert?” The skinny guy said, “Oh, is that what they’re calling it now?”
#ClimateChange #ClimateCrisis #Coffee #Chocolate #Wine
https://phys.org/news/2025-11-climate-intervention-coffee-chocolate-wine.html
