Thread
Parental echos: the wish for unconditional love despite failure is a continuation of the child–parent dynamic. We long for partners to play the role of the benevolent parent who forgives us for not living up to their standards.
disappointment: love is, at its core, a process of mutual disillusionment. We fall in love with an idealized version of someone, and then the relationship becomes the art of surviving the discovery that they are flawed — and that we are too.
Gendered script: the “men disappointing women” dynamic is not innate masculinity but a cultural script: men are raised to be emotionally underdeveloped, women to be caretakers. The result is a cycle of disappointment and resentment.
Weapons incompetence: soften this into a philosophical observation: many people unconsciously rely on their partner’s patience as a substitute for their own growth. It’s not always malicious, but it is corrosive.
Adulthood: adulthood is not servitude but the recognition that love requires forgiving imperfection, while also demanding growth. The tragedy is when forgiveness becomes endless indulgence rather than a spur to maturity.
Replies (1)
thank you. im with you in agreement on a lot. i especially liked the 'cultural script'. that's good phrasing i didnt have. and i really liked the philosophical softening of weaponized incompetence, that's wise.
i think it is very easy, as resentment is building, to start attributing more and more conscious malice to another where there is none. as in, to believe oneself telepathic and decide the inner monologue for the villain, when really, if you could peer into that head, it would be crickets or panic. like yo someone is straight up drowning in there and no lifeguards. damn.
the only place im taking slight issue: "We fall in love with an idealized version of someone, and then the relationship becomes the art of surviving the discovery that they are flawed — and that we are too."
i think crushes are idealized for sure, cos distance, or newness, like wow my first date with my crush, but falling in love actually i truly believe is the feeling somewhat like that of a statue crumbling. an avalanche. like any idealized version is such a poor mimicry poorly rendered compared to getting to know you. forever do you exist as more than, as always outside of, whatever i can conjure as some ideal. i think sometimes people marry their crushes. im not sure how many people have married cos in love. but i bet it is a bunch, too.
and i dont mean in love like a field of flowers in a postcard. i mean also the mud and dust and pollen and worms and mosquitos in an actual field. cos in love includes The Worst in the best ways possible, too.