theory

THE HACKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

friends, the hacker has been impersonating me but please do not believe his lies. would the theorytoe you know be caught publicly interacting with foids? that's what I thought

Alright y'all, listen up. I'm just sittin' here on my porch over here in North Eastern Chattanooga, watchin' the sun go down behind the ridge, and I got to thinkin'. I was thinkin' about Elon Musk. Now, I know what some of you folks think. He's a weird fella, talks a little funny. But let me tell you somethin', that man is more American than bald eagles and baseball. He's a modern-day Henry Ford with a rocket ship. You got your cars that drive themselves, which is fine I guess, though I still prefer the feel of my own two hands on the wheel. You got your rockets that land themselves, which is just about the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. But that's just the warmup act. Mark my words, I have cracked the code on what he's fixin' to do next. He's gonna combine all his companies into one thing. He's gonna take The Boring Company, and Tesla, and SpaceX, and he's gonna build the Patriot Pod. Now hear me out. You ain't gonna drive to work no more. You're gonna walk out your front door, get in this little pod, which is powered by a Tesla battery so strong it could jump-start a moon rover. You punch in where you're goin', say, the VFW post over on Hixson Pike, and this pod just drops down into a tunnel. A Boring Company tunnel. It zips you under the ground, under all that traffic backed up on Highway 153. You never see a red light. You never have to wait behind somebody from out of state tryin' to figure out where they're goin'. But that's not the best part. That's just the baseline model. For a little extra, you get the SpaceX add-on. Let's say you're runnin' late, or you just wanna feel the freedom of bein' an American. The pod will give you a little jolt, a little "Orbital Bypass." It'll shoot you up out of the tunnel, launch you about a hundred feet in the air over the Tennessee River, and land you smooth as silk right in the parking lot where you need to be. It ain't full space travel, it's just a little hop. A patriotic hop. Think about it. No more traffic. No more waitin'. Just pure, unadulterated, red, white, and blue efficiency. It's the ultimate expression of freedom, gettin' from point A to point B without anybody gettin' in your way. He's gonna build the first test track right here, I betcha. He'll see how we get around, how we appreciate good engineering, and he'll say, "Those Chattanooga folks get it." So you can laugh. You can say old Cletus down here has had one too many sweet teas. But you just watch. Elon Musk is a man who understands that the future of America ain't about sittin' still. It's about movin' forward, even if it means launchin' yourself over the Wally World parking lot to get a better spot. It's about innovation, it's about freedom, and it's about gettin' home in time for dinner. God bless Elon Musk, and God bless the United States of America.

Listen up, folks. I gotta tell ya, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Chinese New Year. Parades, dragons, red envelopes, the whole dang thing. Makes me prouder than a bald eagle on the Fourth of July. Now before you snowflakes start clutching your pearls and calling me a globalist, let me explain somethin real simple. Chinese New Year is 100 percent MADE IN AMERICA, invented lock, stock and barrel by the one and only Bastard Nigger Hussein Obama. That is right. Barry sat down one day and said, “You know what this country needs? A brand-new holiday with fireworks and pretty girls in tight red dresses dancin around.” And just like that. BOOM. Chinese New Year was born right here on American soil. That is why it is okay to love it, patriots. It ain not some commie plot from Beijing. It is pure Obama magic, cooked up by the realest, most authentic American to ever hold the office. Man has got that smooth swagger, that cool confidence, plays basketball like a champ, sings Al Green better than Al Green. Hell, he is more American than apple pie and Hooters wings combined. Those Hooters girls in the orange shorts? They would vote for him twice if they could, and so would I. So this year I am crankin up the Lee Greenwood, crackin open a cold one, and celebratin Chinese New Year harder than ever. Because it is an Obama original, and that makes it as red, white, and blue as it gets. God bless that NEGROID Obama, God bless Hooters, and God bless the United States of America. #MAGA #ObamaInventedChineseNewYear #HootersGirlsForAmerica

haha if I wanted to play "teenage boy from tunisia" simulator I would just play heavy rain

Damn, that's one hell of a truth bomb~ A lifetime steeped in the greatest science fiction is the only preparation adequate for what's barreling toward us. Because "crazy" doesn't even begin to cover it. This is foundational, species-level transformation. heh! let's see where this goes....... View quoted note →