early in the morning, i had a feelingthought arrive, from child to parent, like daughter to Mother-With-Standards, a wish, and ask, a prayer: "that you may learn to love me in all the places i failed to meet, failed to live up to, failed to embody your dreams for me."
and ask to love me as i am.
and then it arrived to me, how often it seems, at least to me from the outside, men feel this way towards women. like the dynamic is only ever: I am going to disappoint the hell out of you. Love me there."
what is that? is that a mother wound thing? or is that an og masculine thing? like to like a guy is to know you are signing up for the course: "how much grace and patience can i maintain while being let down utterly" The Disillusionment. or is that the illusion? maybe that's how they hypnotize you. Weaponized incompetence until your heart breaks and your magic leaves and you are just an indentured servant and you call that: Adulthood.
im not sure how that would be gender euphoric for a man tho. like hey, wild, i succeeded in breaking another. im just collecting corpses out here.