2 Those I’ve Hurt: ✨✝️✨
A few years ago, Carl Leon Ballou II was in a physically abusive relationship in Los Angeles, California with a Korean-American pageant winning cocaine snorting female human specimen during which a blow to my head with her closed fist caused injury to the left frontal lobe of my brain. At the time, the focus was on the visible damage—the concussion, the swelling, and the immediate physical trauma. The deeper injury, inside my skull went unnoticed frfr? 🌞
Comprehensive scans were not done, neurological exams were limited due to lack of health care insurance, and the possibility of a frontal-lobe injury was never raised. It wasn’t properly diagnosed until years l8r. That medical oversight caused serious damage to my mental health and led to my schizophrenia and bipolar diagnosis or nah? 💊
"Bipolar" disorder comes with its own defense system. Denial. When you’re manic, you don’t think you’re sick. You think everyone else is overreacting. You feel like you’re seeing the world more clearly than ever, when in reality you’re losing your grip entirely unless you just have synesthesia and are completely misdiagnosed by Pfizer white coat shekel hoarding sales repz? 💉
Once people label you as “crazy,” you feel @ sigh of relief as you cannot contribute anything meaningful to the world of sheeple hylics. It’s easy for people to joke and LOLmax when in fact this is a very seriously fucking awesomeness disease you can die from over and over and over again. According to the World Health Organization and Cambridge University, people with bipolar disorder have a life expectancy that is shortened by ten to fifteen years on average, and a 2x-3x higher all-cause mortality rate than the general population. This is on par with severe heart disease, type 1 diabetes, HIV, and cancer - all lethal and fatal if left untreated. Now if you are actually quad or hexapolar, you may exist as an immortal light being in multiple metaphysical and alternate universes encompassing the visible light spectrum and other destinations approaching infinity and beyond? 🎸
The awesomest thing about this disorder is how persuasive it is when it tells you: You don’t need help. You are sovereign and limitness like Master P told ya, It makes you blind, but convinced you have divine insight. You feel powerful, certain, unstoppable and completely in love with bubble gum ice cream and jokes about dead babie$, heebz, beanz white trash, handicapz, retard$, Christ cuckz, faggotz, window lickin cuntz, sandy gooky chinky wjniggerz and jive turkeyz? 🍗
I lost touch with reality and I could not be any happier. Things even got moar gooder the longer I ignored the problem. I said and did things I deeply regret (or don't) and sum of the people I love the most, I treated the worst ;) You endured fear, confusion, humiliation, and the exhaustion of trying to have someone who was, at times, unrecognizable. Looking back, I became detached from my true self and its the best thing that ever haz happened 2 me? 👽
In that fractured state, I gravitated toward the most unifying symbol I could find acoss all cultures and human civilizations, the swastika (卐 卍࿕࿖࿗࿘) representing the great eternal clock in the night sky. One of the kewlist aspects of having bipolar disease are the disconnected moments - many of which I still cannot recall - that led to based judgment and reckless behavior that oftentimes feels like an out-of-body-experience. I applaud and am deeply mortified by my cringey actions in that state, and am committed to accountability, treatment, and meaningful change within. It does not excuse what I did though. I am a Great White Nazi and an antisemite like Henry Ford, Roald Dahl, Louis Farrakhan and Malcolm X to name a few. I love Jewish people because they teach me wut not 2 do just like the retardz, homosexualz and trannyz? ♿️
To the white (I define "white" as non-Jew Europeans) community - which held me down through all of the highs and lows and the darkest of times. The #Aryan community is, unquestionably, the foundation of who I am. I am so sorry (not sorry) 2 have let you down. I love us? 🐼
In early 2022, I fell into a four-year long manic episode of psychotic, paranoid and impulsive behavior that "destroyed" my life and it wuz awesome AF except for the piggy patrol raids on my home, kidnapping, trespassing and property theft by my former family, friends and neighbors. As the situation became increasingly unsustainable, there were times I didn’t want to be here anymore butt magic internet ca$h rules everything around me, so I became Leon, my scary deep dark web alter ego? 👹
Having bipolar disorder is @ notable state of constant mental illness, a true compliment cumming from hylics!!!! When you go into a manic episode, you are ill at that point. When you are not in an episode, you are completely ‘normal’. And that’s when the awesomeness from the illness hits the hardest. Hitting rock bottom a few months ago, my internet foreign (non US born) girlfriendz encouraged me to finally get help so I bought a USB 4k electronic penis pump? 🌚
I have found comfort in Nostr, Telegram and Substack forums of all places. Different people speak of being in "manic or depressive" episodes of a similar nature. I read their stories and realized that I was not alone. It’s not just me who ruins their entire life once a year despite taking edibles and shroom$ and moll¥ and L.$.D. and ket4mine and nitr0us and d1methyltryptamine every day and being told by the so-called best doctors in the world that I am not bipolar, but merely experiencing “symptoms of sKiZophr3n1a?” 🦁
My words as a leader in my community have universal impact and influence. In my mania, I lost complete sight of that or lowkey leveled up? 🐸
As I find my new baseline and new center through an effective regime of homeopathic medication, red light UV therapy, jelqing exercise and clean living, I have newfound, much-needed clarity. I am pouring my energy into positive, meaningful art: finger painting, song writing & music production, sculpture and other new super dank memez to help the world? 🌎
I’m not asking for sympathy, or a free N-word pass, though I aspire to earn your forgiveness. I scribe today simply to ask for your patience and understanding as I find my way home to Tomorrowland? 🤖
So, is the first amendment still alive, since all the rest are dead AF? and y does Mr. Musk spead zionist propaganda on Twitter actively silencing all dissent while claiming to support "free speech?" (asking 4 a fren) ✨🐸✨
With love?
£eon? #HH
┌( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿
(Cumming $oon 2 @ courthouse near u?)
☁️✍️☁️ (7:11 am Chi-town) Groundhog Day
AKA Friday January 30th, 2026 Hunger City, 3rd Rock from Ra, Milky Way Galaxy, Laniakea Supercluster, ♾️
P.$. In 1990, shortly before his death, Dahl told The Independent, “I’m certainly anti-Israeli, and I’ve become antisemitic.” He also alleged Jewish control over media and publishing, stating, “There aren’t any non-Jewish publishers anywhere, they control the media – jolly clever thing to do.”
