https://nitter.poast.org/gothburz/status/1999124665801880032
>Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.
>$30 per seat per month.
>$1.4 million annually.
>I called it "digital transformation."
>The board loved that phrase.
>They approved it in eleven minutes.
>No one asked what it would actually do.
>Including me.
>I told everyone it would "10x productivity."
>That's not a real number.
>But it sounds like one.
>HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.
>I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."
>They stopped asking.
>Three months later I checked the usage reports.
>47 people had opened it.
>12 had used it more than once.
>One of them was me.
>I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.
>It took 45 seconds.
>Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.
>But I called it a "pilot success."
>Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.
>The CFO asked about ROI.
>I showed him a graph.
>The graph went up and to the right.
>It measured "AI enablement."
>I made that metric up.
>He nodded approvingly.
>We're "AI-enabled" now.
>I don't know what that means.
>But it's in our investor deck.
>A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.
>I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."
>He asked what that meant.
>I said "compliance."
>He asked which compliance.
>I said "all of them."
>He looked skeptical.
>I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."
>He stopped asking questions.
>Microsoft sent a case study team.
>They wanted to feature us as a success story.
>I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."
>I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.
>They didn't verify it.
>They never do.
>Now we're on Microsoft's website.
>"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."
>The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.
>He got 3,000 likes.
>He's never used Copilot.
>None of the executives have.
>We have an exemption.
>"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."
>I wrote that policy.
>The licenses renew next month.
>I'm requesting an expansion.
>5,000 more seats.
>We haven't used the first 4,000.
>But this time we'll "drive adoption."
>Adoption means mandatory training.
>Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.
>But completion will be tracked.
>Completion is a metric.
>Metrics go in dashboards.
>Dashboards go in board presentations.
>Board presentations get me promoted.
>I'll be SVP by Q3.
>I still don't know what Copilot does.
>But I know what it's for.
>It's for showing we're "investing in AI."
>Investment means spending.
>Spending means commitment.
>Commitment means we're serious about the future.
>The future is whatever I say it is.
>As long as the graph goes up and to the right.
