At the same time I got laid off at a large tech firm for speaking out about being repeatedly bullied by my h1b manager my longest running friendships ended. OK definitely it must be something to do with me I'm the common denominator in all this. Yet I just miss my friends. I tried to keep holding onto them but it isn't coming back and clearly its better for them. Its hard to deal with these realities so its a lot of work to just not stay in bed. I love to work out but I'm not even in the head space to be able to.