that's lovely, mr bagel, but counterpoint: I could just eat three of you

my dark night of the soul has lasted three years so far

One way to get me to rage against the machine would be to making me listen to the machine eating

The Muppets 🙄. OBVIOUSLY.

Inside you are two wolves. One is hyperventilating & the other is dissociating. They are both claustrophobic. The therapy bills are going to crush you

me: *telling my neurons all my great plans for this year* my neurons:

I do NOT support cultural stereotypes. BUT my son is watching science videos by this cool laid-back Australian guy who is currently using BEER to explain electricity 😄

they say history is written by the victors which is how I know there's more to this grinch story like those little whos claim they were SINGING uh huh sure I bet dig a little deeper and you find out they drove that poor green guy mad with leaf blowers

why yes I do know who the greatest movie villain of all time is

wait are scotch eggs scottish or drunk