Well, that was fun. Just got out of A&E. Was eating dinner on the sofa, then a massive spider zoomed across the living room and ran up my leg. Screamed like a banshee then tried to stab it with my fork. Obviously, I missed the spider & stabbed myself in the thigh, didn't I?

I've spent weeks perfecting a realistic-sounding fake sneeze. It's something I use when my partner starts going on about something, as it interrupts them without me sounding like a prick. It's beginning to lose traction, however, as I've just "sneezed" 16 times in a row to no end

I do everything in my lawful power to annoy Tesla owners because like many I don't like Elon Musk. Refuse to give way, park close to their car, drive slower than the speed limit if they're behind me, take longer at the pump if they're queuing, etc. Petty, but I don't care.

I leave little plastic ducks around all over my area and town and it's become a mystery on Facebook groups who it is, I love the conversations it's starting.

When I was younger I used to think that when you got on an aeroplane, your luggage would be on a separate aeroplane which was just behind the one you were travelling on.

When I was about seven, an uncle told me you had to remove the yellow bit from an egg before eating it. I removed the yolks from every egg I ate up to the age of 14 when a tableful of school mates ended up rolling around the floor in hysterics when I explained what I was doing.

Every time my dog does a poo I use the compass on my phone to note which way she was pointing. I then put all the bearings into a spreadsheet for analysis.

Got my heart crushed a few years ago and haven't spoken since. I still say his name when I cum in the hopes that the producers who Truman Show my life want to reintroduce him

Husband loves Spotify Wrapped and hates Joni Mitchell. All year i've been playing non-stop Joni on his laptop every Sunday while he's at football. Now we wait.

My daughter had stopped using her seatbelt. So I showed her the "Julie knew her killer" road safety advert from 1998. No need to ask now. Clunk click, every trip.