Why Young Men Are No Longer Approaching Women: A Crisis of Incentives, Trust, and Intimacy
The fact that many young men have never approached a woman in person is not random. It reflects deep fractures in the modern dating landscape. These fractures are not just cultural but structural, moral, and technological. At the core is a growing belief among men that approaching women simply isn’t worth it anymore.
Feminism and Role Confusion
Feminism told women they didn’t need men. It dismantled traditional male roles and labeled male courtship as outdated or even oppressive. Yet many women still expect men to initiate, pay for dates, provide protection, and play the role of the chivalrous suitor.
You cannot simultaneously claim equality while demanding to be treated like a prize. If women want to be equals, then equality must be applied across the board. That includes initiating conversations, asking men out, and paying for meals. If women expect men to do all the work of courtship while also claiming moral superiority, the system collapses under its own contradiction.
Men have heard the message loud and clear. Their role is no longer honored. Their effort is no longer respected. And so, many are opting out.
The MeToo Moral Panic
While the MeToo movement may have exposed some real predators, it also introduced a dangerous precedent: believe all women, no matter what. This implies that any allegation, even without evidence, is automatically true. The burden of proof shifted away from the accuser and fell squarely on the accused.
This has created a climate of fear. Men are now wary of normal social interaction. A bad date, a misunderstood joke, or a moment of awkwardness can be framed as harassment or misconduct. The case of Aziz Ansari proved that even a consensual but unsatisfying evening can be weaponized.
With social media amplifying every accusation, even a false or petty claim can destroy reputations, careers, and lives. Many men have responded to this new reality with silence, distance, and avoidance.
Dating Apps Reward the Few and Discard the Rest
Dating apps are not designed to foster connection. They are built to keep people swiping, addicted, and unsatisfied. Women receive far more matches than men, creating an artificial sense of abundance. As a result, their standards inflate, and they become hyper-selective.
A small minority of men receive nearly all the attention. The rest are invisible. This skew creates resentment, disillusionment, and a dating market where most men don’t even get to participate.
Meanwhile, women complain that men are emotionally unavailable while ignoring that they are bypassing most of them. Dating apps have created a loop of endless options, zero fulfillment, and minimal real-world outcomes.
Parasocial and Virtual Relationships Are the Safer Option
For many men, digital intimacy is simply safer. Pornography, OnlyFans, and AI girlfriends offer affection, attention, and sexual gratification without any of the risk. No rejection. No false accusations. No emotional games.
Parasocial relationships simulate the feeling of being seen and desired, even if the connection is one-sided. This gives men enough satisfaction to avoid the pain and unpredictability of real-world relationships.
With the rise of AI companionship, men can now have custom-tailored emotional and erotic relationships with virtual partners who never criticize, never threaten, and never leave.
Sex and Emotional Needs Are No Longer Exclusive to Human Relationships
Historically, women controlled access to sex while men controlled access to long-term commitment. But that balance is shifting. Men can now meet their sexual needs without women. Women can meet their emotional needs without men.
This undermines the incentive to date at all. If sex is accessible through porn and AI, and emotional support can be found through friends or media, then the cost-benefit analysis of dating tilts heavily toward disengagement.
The Risk is Too High, and the Reward Too Low
Men are not approaching women anymore because it is not worth the risk. Even if a man does everything right, he is often expected to pay for the date, impress someone who offers little in return, and hope not to be misinterpreted or insulted.
The reward is uncertain. The risk is very real. And more men are deciding they would rather not play the game at all.
Women Changed the Rules, Not Men
Women demanded that gender roles be rewritten. Men didn’t. But now that the rules are different, women are discovering they do not like what they created. If women truly want equality, then that means sharing the emotional labor, initiating relationships, and being willing to provide.
If women want to be pursued, cherished, and provided for, that is not equality. That is privilege. And privilege always comes with a cost.
Conclusion
The modern dating landscape is broken. Feminism, the MeToo movement, dating apps, parasocial relationships, and artificial intimacy have all played a role in reshaping how men and women engage. For many men, it no longer makes sense to approach women at all.
The fact that many young men have never approached a woman in person is not random. It reflects deep fractures in the modern dating landscape. These fractures are not just cultural but structural, moral, and technological. At the core is a growing belief among men that approaching women simply isn’t worth it anymore.
Feminism and Role Confusion
Feminism told women they didn’t need men. It dismantled traditional male roles and labeled male courtship as outdated or even oppressive. Yet many women still expect men to initiate, pay for dates, provide protection, and play the role of the chivalrous suitor.
You cannot simultaneously claim equality while demanding to be treated like a prize. If women want to be equals, then equality must be applied across the board. That includes initiating conversations, asking men out, and paying for meals. If women expect men to do all the work of courtship while also claiming moral superiority, the system collapses under its own contradiction.
Men have heard the message loud and clear. Their role is no longer honored. Their effort is no longer respected. And so, many are opting out.
The MeToo Moral Panic
While the MeToo movement may have exposed some real predators, it also introduced a dangerous precedent: believe all women, no matter what. This implies that any allegation, even without evidence, is automatically true. The burden of proof shifted away from the accuser and fell squarely on the accused.
This has created a climate of fear. Men are now wary of normal social interaction. A bad date, a misunderstood joke, or a moment of awkwardness can be framed as harassment or misconduct. The case of Aziz Ansari proved that even a consensual but unsatisfying evening can be weaponized.
With social media amplifying every accusation, even a false or petty claim can destroy reputations, careers, and lives. Many men have responded to this new reality with silence, distance, and avoidance.
Dating Apps Reward the Few and Discard the Rest
Dating apps are not designed to foster connection. They are built to keep people swiping, addicted, and unsatisfied. Women receive far more matches than men, creating an artificial sense of abundance. As a result, their standards inflate, and they become hyper-selective.
A small minority of men receive nearly all the attention. The rest are invisible. This skew creates resentment, disillusionment, and a dating market where most men don’t even get to participate.
Meanwhile, women complain that men are emotionally unavailable while ignoring that they are bypassing most of them. Dating apps have created a loop of endless options, zero fulfillment, and minimal real-world outcomes.
Parasocial and Virtual Relationships Are the Safer Option
For many men, digital intimacy is simply safer. Pornography, OnlyFans, and AI girlfriends offer affection, attention, and sexual gratification without any of the risk. No rejection. No false accusations. No emotional games.
Parasocial relationships simulate the feeling of being seen and desired, even if the connection is one-sided. This gives men enough satisfaction to avoid the pain and unpredictability of real-world relationships.
With the rise of AI companionship, men can now have custom-tailored emotional and erotic relationships with virtual partners who never criticize, never threaten, and never leave.
Sex and Emotional Needs Are No Longer Exclusive to Human Relationships
Historically, women controlled access to sex while men controlled access to long-term commitment. But that balance is shifting. Men can now meet their sexual needs without women. Women can meet their emotional needs without men.
This undermines the incentive to date at all. If sex is accessible through porn and AI, and emotional support can be found through friends or media, then the cost-benefit analysis of dating tilts heavily toward disengagement.
The Risk is Too High, and the Reward Too Low
Men are not approaching women anymore because it is not worth the risk. Even if a man does everything right, he is often expected to pay for the date, impress someone who offers little in return, and hope not to be misinterpreted or insulted.
The reward is uncertain. The risk is very real. And more men are deciding they would rather not play the game at all.
Women Changed the Rules, Not Men
Women demanded that gender roles be rewritten. Men didn’t. But now that the rules are different, women are discovering they do not like what they created. If women truly want equality, then that means sharing the emotional labor, initiating relationships, and being willing to provide.
If women want to be pursued, cherished, and provided for, that is not equality. That is privilege. And privilege always comes with a cost.
Conclusion
The modern dating landscape is broken. Feminism, the MeToo movement, dating apps, parasocial relationships, and artificial intimacy have all played a role in reshaping how men and women engage. For many men, it no longer makes sense to approach women at all.
A Candid Look at Stereotypes, Style, and One Surprisingly Respectful TikTok Conversation
During one of Andrew Wilson’s now-signature TikTok invasions, he asked a question that’s as common as it is loaded:
Why do gay men lisp?
But unlike the usual social media pile-ons, something different happened. A gay man and a trans woman joined Andrew on the stream, and instead of outrage or defensiveness, what followed was a respectful, good-humored, and surprisingly candid discussion. Everyone involved was open to exploring the question without flinching and without trying to score culture war points.
So where does the stereotype come from, and is there any truth to it?
It’s Not Actually a Lisp
First, let’s get clear on terms. When people say “gay lisp,” they’re not usually referring to an actual speech impediment. It’s not the kind of lisp that a speech therapist would treat. What they’re usually picking up on are:
Soft or prolonged “s” sounds
A slightly higher pitch
Expressive tone or intonation
Crisp or exaggerated articulation
It’s more about vocal style than any speech disorder. And yes, that style is associated with some gay men, but it is not universal.
The Stereotype Exists for a Reason, But It’s Not a Rule
Most gay men don’t speak this way. But some do, especially in urban, media-savvy, or creative subcultures where that kind of expressive voice is more common. And because it’s noticeable, it gets remembered.
It is a real enough phenomenon that it became part of the broader public perception of what a gay man “sounds like.” That doesn’t mean it applies to all gay men. It just means it shows up often enough to become culturally sticky.
So Why Do Some Gay Men Talk Like That?
Here’s the blunt version: it’s not biology. There’s no gay voice gene. It’s social and cultural.
Some gay men, especially those who grew up around other expressive voices or came out into communities where that vocal style was part of the norm, naturally absorb it. Others may lean into it as a form of identity signaling or self-expression. It is a way of saying, consciously or not, “This is who I am.”
Think of it like a regional accent or fashion sense. You pick it up from your environment, your peers, your subculture. It is learned, not wired in.
How Media Reinforced the Pattern
Once TV and film picked up on it, the stereotype cemented.
Shows like Will and Grace, The Birdcage, Modern Family, and later YouTube and TikTok influencers often showcased characters or personalities with that distinctive voice. For many viewers, this became the shorthand for “gay man.” Meanwhile, the majority of gay men who didn’t speak that way — who blended in vocally — were invisible to the narrative.
Over time, this created a kind of feedback loop. The more people saw it on screen, the more they expected it in real life.
What Made the TikTok Conversation Stand Out
Back to the Crucible clip. What stood out wasn’t just the topic. It was the tone. Andrew asked the question plainly. The gay man and trans woman who joined him didn’t get defensive. They laughed. They explained. They clarified. And they showed no need to pretend the stereotype doesn’t exist.
Nobody played victim. Nobody moralized. And because of that, the conversation actually went somewhere.
It was one of those rare moments online where people discussed something real and maybe a little uncomfortable with good faith and mutual curiosity.
Final Thought
The idea that gay men lisp didn’t come out of nowhere. But it’s not a universal trait, and it’s not a biological fact. It is a cultural pattern, a vocal style that shows up in some spaces for specific social reasons.
What made this exchange work is simple. People chose curiosity over conflict. They treated the question seriously without taking themselves too seriously. In today’s outrage-driven climate, that alone makes the conversation worth highlighting.
