Boss at annual performance review time: I don't believe in giving 5's. Me: That's fine. I don't believe in giving a fuck.

"Oh, my poor editing skills will stop my career as a historian, huh?" I taunt as I wave my author's copy of 'The Decline and Fall of the Ramen Umpire.'

Hackers in the War on Christmas are preparing to launch a distributed denial-of-Santa (DDoS) attack.

Did you hear that? I think Mariah Carey just inhaled.

Block Friday.

If boosting this toot is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Elon Musk deserves his trillion-dollar payday because he’s doing something no one else can: Running a trillion-dollar con.

I’ve started referring to Ring Doorbells as “Ringworms.” Particularly when talking to or in earshot of someone who has one.

Fuck it. It’s gotta be “Oh, Christ, why did I vote in THAT poll?” o’clock somewhere. #Mastodon

Mastodon is tooted in front of a live studio audience. 🎧 In Stereo Where Available.