Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
...
He's all right now.
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?
...
European.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on?
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Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the banker switch careers?
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Because he lost interest.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
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De-calf-inated.
I've been trying to come up with a dad joke about momentum
...
but I just can't seem to get it going.
What do you call an artist who only paints ducks?
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A quack artist.
Why was the calendar so confident?
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Because it had so many dates.
