This morning, my brother-in-law remarried his first wife after 35 years of their being divorced and married to other people. The bride entered to Rush’s Limelight, and the newly remarried couple exited to Oops I Did It Again by Britney Spears. He was resplendent in double denim, and the bride wore a white dress found on Temu. It had pockets. They left for their honeymoon on the groom’s Harley, preceded by their thunderous motorcycle club. This toot is 100% factual.

I’m in danger, yall. I’ve found another beautiful watch. Haven’t bought it, but DAMN, am I tempted. Orient Bambino Version 9 Automatic.

As Jen was scrolling beside me just now, I spotted a post which read “As healthy male leadership is becoming increasingly rare…” and my thoughts were twofold: 1. Someone doesn’t like that women are finally being recognized for their leadership skills and 2. I’m pretty sure “healthy male leadership” has *always* been rare.

Dear hoteliers, Please stop putting so many freaking LEDs that can’t be switched off in your rooms. If I want to go to Vegas, I’ll go to Vegas. Consider adding a Stygian™️ option: feature rooms that can be completely blacked out. Shutters on the windows, seals around the doors. Not a beam of light anywhere. I’d pay a little extra for that.

Can’t wait to hear Infant Orange’s next rant because the Fed chair had the temerity to correct him and make him out for the idiot he is in public - while he was trying to make the Fed chair look clueless.

Lord, forgive me for my schadenfreude over that US shitizen who moved his family to Russia to avoid wokeness and got conscripted.

Sometimes you just need to climb into your big rig and tool around the country helping people with your chimpanzee buddy at your side

Why does it have to be “ride or die” with my bestie? Those aren’t great choices. How about ride or French toast? Why not ride AND French toast? I mean, how else are we getting to IHOP? French toast with my bestie is definitely something I’d be willing to ride to.

How to succeed on Mastodon: Talk shit about mastodon

I’m supposed to come up with a joke about Damocles, and the deadline is hanging over my head