Some days I don’t think the members of our government will take us seriously until we flip over their cars with them inside. Argue all you want, but we haven’t tried flipping cars, and things are still shit.

I never had impostor syndrome until I joined Mastodon, but now I worry all the time I’m not enough of a nerd

ICE are brownshirts. There’s no difference.

THIS JUST IN: Renowned Journalist On-Site In Iran To Uncover Uranium Refining Facilities Post-Bombing

For those of you who can’t remember the difference between a traditional IRA and a Roth IRA, a Roth is the one that used to be the frontman for Van Halen.

Lee Child said this in an interview with The Guardian. It’s one of the few answers he gave that doesn’t come off glib.

I dunno… this feels a little like a WWE spat where two heels have a falling out.

We just noticed that the groomer trimmed the fur on Winston’s huevos, so now I have to buy him a doggie T-shirt that says “I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR THIS?!”

Got kicked out of church because the pastor said we should be more like Jesus, so I grabbed a bullwhip and chased the church coffee shop employees off the property

Harbor Freight Tools: You’re Doing One-Off DIY Projects, Not Making A Living With These Tools, So Shut The Hell Up And Buy This $30 Drill #CommercialCatchPhrases #HashTagGames