Why does no one care about doing things right? “Most fast and break things” suddenly became the ethos of the whole culture just because it made a few people in Silicon Valley rich…

Nostr Relay Privacy Question: If as an anon I were to set up a relay and let friends and family use it would I accidentally dox myself? Is it always obvious to outside observers which profiles are using a relay? I seems probable that a small relay with only a few accounts is run by someone who has some connection to all those people. If some accounts are anon and some are open about their real world identities, it might make it very easy to guess the identity of anon accounts based on what small personal relays they are on with those who are open about their identity. Am I understanding this correctly? If so, anon accounts wanting to use Nostr as privacy freedom tech should avoid creating a relay they share with anyone else or using a friend’s personal relay, but should stick with large public relays for safety in numbers, right? This seems a little concerning becuase it makes the anons dependent on the large, corporate relays who might care less about freedom in the future and the “spin up your own node for more privacy” ethos of bitcoin might end up not working as well here, because the moment you share your relay with a friend you run the risk of blowing your anonymity. Might @ODELL or @Seth For Privacy be able to offer some insight on this? Thanks!