Name your favorite leafy green that sounds like an old fashioned car horn. I’ll start: arugula

Farted the 5 notes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind and Richard Dreyfuss showed up at my door

He was as untrustworthy as a mobile platform game ad.

Winston Update: Today is Winston’s birthday! Our Very Good Boy is 1!

I’ve been productive this morning in that I made coffee before I’d had any coffee

👏👏 MASTODON 👏👏 MASTODOFF

I said “hey Siri” then farted, and my phone started playing a Toby Keith song

Failed math as a kid because all we could afford was an amateur tractor

Some days I don’t think the members of our government will take us seriously until we flip over their cars with them inside. Argue all you want, but we haven’t tried flipping cars, and things are still shit.

I never had impostor syndrome until I joined Mastodon, but now I worry all the time I’m not enough of a nerd