Trump’s cruelty is stupid and opportunistic. Vance’s cruelty is deeply thought out and intentional.

Saw a shitty old beat up Lexus sedan sporting a brand new Trump sticker on the way home just now. I turned to Jen and said “More like a Wrecksus.”

What the hell did Van Gogh ever do to anyone? Throw soup on Warhol paintings; he’d love that shit.

If we name it for the for-sale-to-the-highest-bidder behavior of so many of our politicians, this decade could be called The Whoring Twenties.

They don’t teach this in school, but if you stick one finger in your belly button and one finger in your ear, it takes you back to factory settings.

If both my wife and I were archaeologists who used Carbon 14 decay measures to determine the era in which ancient individuals lived, you bet your ass I’d loudly say “WE DATE OTHER PEOPLE” at parties.

Pour tropical flavored alcohol slush into a papier-mâché animal form and boom piñata coladas

Astronaut viewing Earth while on spacewalk: This world is precious and we must do all we can to preserve it Billionaire viewing Earth while on spacewalk: I own that and that and that and that and that and…