When I have a solid income again, I want to plan a road trip to visit the graves of every shithead who helped put this current wave of theocratic fascism in power - Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, James Dobbs, etc. It just so happens that in many of the states they are buried in, it’s also a crime for me to use a public restroom as a trans person. So I will make sure to “pay my respects” at each grave. 🤭

PLEASE help me make rent? And help a trans woman become a therapist? Goal: $23/$500 So I have a big favor to ask: help me make part of my portion of the rent this month. My total portion of the rent is more than this, but my partner can cover the rest as long as I can meet $700 a month. My unemployment insurance will run out soon, so I'm trying to stretch it for a few months, and I can do that with your help! I am preparing to apply to graduate schools for a masters in social work or a masters in clinical psychology. I am also working with limited spoons from disability and burnout after losing my job earlier this year. With your support, I can focus on my grad school applications and still have capacity to return to writing regularly! If I can't meet this goal, I will need to find at least a part-time job and probably be too stretched thin to write again. Help me become a therapist and support my writing either by giving at my Patreon or directly to me through my newsletter's website. Patreon: https://patreon.com/MallorySinn Forbidden Queeries (Newsletter):

Forbidden Queeries

Forbidden Queeries

A place to ask questions when you have forbidden thoughts

#MutualAid #Trans #Queer

Had a big stop-me-in-my-tracks moment during therapy this morning. My therapist suggested using an Internal Family Systems lens to something we've been working on. Until recently, I used to have a nightly habit of saying horrible things to myself as I fell asleep, "You are such a burden, and so off-putting. You are always going to be alone and you don't belong, you know? You really should give up"....that kind of thing. I jokingly call them "nightly negations" instead of "daily affirmations," cause that is basically what I'm doing with roughly an equivalent negative impact on my mental health. Well, in talking it out, I said I didn't really understand what this part of me has been trying to do. When part of me used to say I couldn't transition because I would be an ugly woman or whatever other justification to tear me down, I realize now that was part of me trying to protect myself from the danger in expressing femininity or queerness that came from past dangers and traumas. But these "nightly negations" didn't seem to link to any particular trauma, so it just didn't make sense to me and I couldn't see what it was doing. Then my therapist said, "Maybe she's trying to make sure you don't feel safe so that you stay on guard." And that stopped me in my mental tracks. It was a big "oh fuck" moment. My negative self-talk doesn't happen when there is a crisis or I am actually in danger, it happens most when life quiets down and I am actually safe. But this part of me is stuck in a place of danger and is trying to make sure I don't stop being vigilant so we can stay safe from the threats lurking in trusting people or feeling secure in relationships. ...and now I am calling this part of myself Batman. 😅 1/2

Come this time next year, there is a non-zero chance that the majority of my transfem friends have had bottom surgery. Is it going to be like being the one committed single girl at the wedding or the one friend who doesn’t have or want kids, it’ll just be me and like two other girls at the transfem party hanging out at the mostly intact bits table? 😅 Okay, to be fair, this might be what my few remaining monogamous friends feel as the majority of us embrace polyamory. Though, to be fair, the reason they are all sitting together is the rest of us need a whole table for our polycule. 🤣 (To be clear, none of this is negative, just feeling silly about where things are at this point in my trans community)

After almost two weeks with my cishet friends, I had to recharge my gay. Gay successfully imbibed:

Apparently they just removed bisexuals from Stonewall’s federal monument history page. Of course, they already removed references to trans people too. Are they literally going to remove us one letter at a time? Next is lesbians and then the gays and then it’s just this mysterious place that is a monument for no reason at all. Blegh.