You can just buy Bitcoin and self-custody it.

When she asks you how much of your portfolio is BTC:

Poor again.

Are you focusing on the real problems, anon?

Watching Bitcoin Treasury companies making bond and stock arbitrage pairs. The sale-line is that it provides more upside with less risk. More stable returns. All I see is people rebuilding Long Term Capital Management. History may not repeat itself, but it sure seems to rhyme. Stay humble. Stack sats.