Thread

I think it’s easy to say just mute the person. But if you don’t have the lived experience of being a woman, or being part of a marginalized group, you will never understand our experience, especially what it’s like to be on nostr. I love nostr AND it’s challenging to be here because it feels like (again, from my perspective) another man’s world; built by men, for men, that only men will truly benefit from (if you feel defensive after reading that, you may want to self-reflect on why). I understand the purpose and updates being made consistently. But without some type of protection from the /harassment/hate, I just can’t see nostr expanding the ways it’s envisioned. I appreciate the men on here that have been kind to me and have my back. You’re the only reason I’ve stayed πŸ«‚ And please don’t come for me, I’m tired today πŸ˜‚ View quoted note β†’

Replies (65)

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Because I don't have your lived experience I'm not familiar with the harrassment/hate. I'm sorry to hear about it. But I take it very seriously, and so I want to escalate implementing reporting and labelling features in the gossip client. These are defined in NIP-32 and NIP-56. We have a lot on our plate so it may be two versions out, but we didn't even have it slated previously. I once said I called my client 'gossip' because I thought it would be more appealing to women. That comment was not received well by some women. I'm terribly sorry to have such an ignorant man-brain that thought women gossip more than men. I said what I thought was true, but I guess I was wrong, and I'm sorry.
↩ replying to Mike Dilger β˜‘οΈ
I am that woman who did not like women labelled as gossipers =) It's a pet peeve for me to bitch about people when you have a million better things to talk about. I'd rather talk to you about an issue that's related to you then to someone else and bitch about you. Make sense? And if I am talking to you about someone else, that's likely because i trust you enough to have a healthy conversation about it. This circle of trust for me is very small. That doesn't mean women or men do not gossip - many do and its really bad - but i would not like to be labelled as one based on my gender. That and really, have you seen how much more men gossip - jk! =) Anyway, you referring to what gossip was defined based on, does not mean you are a mean person, Mike. And a far cry on the attacks women get. You are probably just an innocent idiot geek who thought you could build something to meet more women =) It took me a while to understand men are idiot sometimes (i don't mean this in a bad way). Re : On the main issue of this thread - A lot of people are unable to get into a healthy debate and separate personal attacks. There is a severe lack of emotional intelligence and just good manners. Some of the shitty things men say here are really nasty - I was called a whore for talking about homemade face products, one recently was triggered when i was talking abt tech. i could have responded ego vs ego but quite frankly i don't have the time to sit down and convince some random stranger i don't give two hoots about nor let him affect how i should run my life so i ignored like i have many others. Doesn't mean it doesn't upset me, nor have I not reacted in the past. I just rather engage with what is relevant and important to me now. If I am responding here, then its because you matter to me. It's as simple as that. That also doesn't mean women are not shitty either. I've seen one here cry abuse on sexual harassment, and then verbally sexually harass Jack. I've seen one who puts other people down and get sympathy from the public. Women can be just as vulgar, rude and inappropriate. It also doesn't mean men should not call out bad behaviors from men or women, its a free world. But there is a diff between personal attacks and calling out bad behaviours, and how you do it.
πŸ›‘οΈ
↩ replying to npub1pvgc...dx8c
Yes it was you 😊. "You are probably just an innocent idiot geek who thought you could build something to meet more women" is not the case. Oh sure, I'm innocent. And sure I'm a geek. But I am not trying to "meet more women". I quit trying to "meet more women" at age 35 when [REDACTED]. After that I have zero interest in meeting women. It wasn't just her, every relationship brought me more work and pain and suffering than it brought me good. They were always net-negatives for me. It took me far to long too recognize. I'm very happy now living alone, and looking back, seeking women and in particular being in a relationship with someone was always the most unhappy part of my life. Why would I fuck up my good life now? I wouldn't. It is a personality thing. It seems that this is not true for most people. Most people do better with a partner. I'm one of the few people who doesn't. And to quell rumors about what was redacted: no I don't have an STD, no I have never been violent towards anybody, no I have never had a drug or alcohol problem. I wanted nostr to grow as much as possible and I didn't think a sausage party would be ameniable to growth.
↩ replying to Mike Dilger β˜‘οΈ
I could have handled that gossip conversation better, and for that i am sorry. i felt bad reading your note realizing you positioned yourself among the attackers after that, its a far cry from it. And thanks for explaining your real purpose and intent, and while i disagree on labeling women as gossipers, having diverse groups and conversations are much better and maybe we can explore other ways. PS : sorry about your past, you learn something from every relationship and it makes you a better person. Hope you are happy regardless! you're cool Mike. take care!
I’m struggling to understand both of these notes, as a female on Nostr and I have been here well over a year I have never felt chased off, attacked or threatened on Nostr. Sure I have had plenty of trolls or people that think they are trolls but it’s quite simple to mute and move on. Yes I’ve had heated debates on Nostr that were meant to make me feel uncomfortable and unwanted but hey it’s a free world and I choose to still be here and make myself heard. I think if you are going to put yourself out there on social media you must expect some type of negativity whether male or female and if you choose to engage in debates, hell I have received more harassment and hate from other platforms than from Nostr. Don’t get me wrong, I’m truly sorry that you were made to feel that way. πŸ«‚πŸ’œ
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↩ replying to npub1el3m...l27r
I have definitely seen previous instances of women being harassed and threatened on Nostr. Different people are going to respond to these things in different ways obviously. I think the problem with simply just muting is that it doesn’t stop the user that has been muted from commenting & interacting and others are still able to view these comments. I don’t think this it is an easy problem to solve on Nostr..
πŸ›‘οΈ
↩ replying to Duncan Cary Palmer
I think that would be possible but I don’t think any clients implement that today? The notes are still written to the relays though so would still be visible in clients that don’t implement this type of filtering. The other option might be to do it at the relay level. The relay would look at a user’s mute list to determine if an interaction with their notes is allowed. I’m not sure if that could be made efficient though and would rely on all relays implementing this functionality to be useful.
I find this puzzling. I've literally never been harassed on Nostr in the 7 or 8 months I've been here. I've muted a handful of accounts because there's some shit that I just don't need on my radar, but even that wasn't directed at me. No moderation means that it's up to us - mute freely, post freely, zap freely - but along the way we will no doubt be exposed to stuff that we don't like. In any case, Kayla - I'm sorry this is happening to you! [And to all the folks who are building out Nostr, whatever your gender, you have my immense gratitude πŸ™πŸ’œ]
↩ replying to Chuck Langstrumpf
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n the pursuit of financial gains, lets not overlook the broader impacts. Remember, responsible investment practices and mindful decision-making can lead to a more sustainable and equitable future for all. If you haven’t join the rebelcapitalist newsletter yet then, I think it's high time you take a look , very effective community with top notch expertise. you can easily 100x some position with the current trend. Source:
Telegram
The Rebel Capitalist Show
RebelCapitalist is an invaluable resource for aspiring investors, offering insights from top investors that can guide you towards financial success...
πŸ›‘οΈ
I am long hair, geek from childhood and now entrepreneur, free schooling and Bitcoin enthusiast. In a post-communist country. I was marginalized whole live almost everywhere, except for Nostr. I also have woman, gay or transgender friends who are not afraid to talk about their problems. Don't tell me I cannot understand just because I am white straight man.
↩ replying to npub1kqt8...2e5f
There's definitely a strong thread amongst certain types of women that when they can't control a new social environment or the behavior of it's participants in a way that they wish, they attempt to make it a gender thing, close ranks and force compliance. If that doesn't work they disappear or attempt to burn it to the ground. See intentional communities, for example ecovillage or commune type setups. All women are welcome here. Just remember this is not something you can control beyond how you manage your own feed. πŸ’œ
I want you here I genuinely do. But I hate this victim mentality stuff. It’s pure Marxism. No one handed us this protocol. We made it because we didn’t like the status quo. It’s literally an open protocol and you can literally make your own female space if you choose to. It just requires sweat equity and competence. I’m tired of this mindset like men are going out of their way to hold women down. It’s simply not the case and even if it were I promise there were plenty of Daniel Plainview archetypes that made their way in spite and who probably were more oppressed than most women. The victim hood stuff just holds you back. At some point you gotta just build because you’re one of very few that cares about your grievances. Welcome to freedom tech.