"As for the drug-pushing websites, I believe we are in the presence of evil. They’re damaging children and ruining lives. The people behind them belong in jail."
A case of online grooming with support from a school keeping secrets. Where can parents turn?"
My son tTeachers knew he was buying cross-sex drugs but didn’t tell us because it was a ‘private medical matter’. Now he’s cut off contact with us took gender-changing hormones behind my back, with the support of his boarding school"
"It was during lockdown that I first became aware that my 14-year-old son Jonathan* was apparently “struggling” with his gender identity.
Sitting in his bedroom at home on his phone for hours on end, I had no idea who he was talking to or what he was doing, which is a huge, huge regret now. As a child, he had always been a little bit nerdy. He enjoyed computer games and I knew that he was playing a lot of chess online. But I thought that was fine. I had been nerdy as a teen too.
What I didn’t realise was that behind these chess games, he was chatting to strangers who were encouraging him to transition. They were the men who first told him that he might be suffering from gender dysphoria.
I only discovered all this when – like a dutiful parent – I checked his WhatsApp messages one day. I found he had been added to a group with his older sister and some of her friends. Some of these friends were trans-identifying and were giving him “advice”. “You need to get drugs before your hips fuse,” someone in the group told him. Alarm bells rang immediately.
His mother and I, though separated, confronted him straight away. She had already given permission for Jonathan to change his name to an androgynous one at his school, believing in good faith that if we didn’t come across as in any way “transphobic”, he would listen to us more when it came to the more serious issues of gender identity, like drugs or surgery. We were gentle with Jonathan. We explained that he was too young to even be thinking about these drugs; that if he was serious, he could take them when he was older. He appeared to agree.
We locked down his mobile phone so he could only access calls and no websites. What I didn’t realise was that his school would completely betray us. He was attending a prestigious boarding school in the Home Counties and, even though he was on a scholarship, it was costing us over £20,000 a year. We thought he would be given the best education possible and, more importantly, we thought he was safe. How wrong we were.
When Jonathan returned to school after lockdown, aged 15, he told the school GP that if he didn’t get cross-sex hormones – drugs that would “feminise his appearance” – he would kill himself. She immediately checked him into the local hospital and his mother and I went up to collect him. It was terrifying.
After the summer holidays, in September 2021, Jonathan was still demanding these drugs. We continued to say no. What I didn’t find out until much later was that the school was aggressively affirming him as female – providing him with a girl’s uniform and even putting him on the girls’ sports team.
I took extra measures, linking his laptop to mine and telling him that I could monitor every website he visited and every chat he had. I wasn’t taking any chances. Still, we were so worried that he would do something stupid medication-wise that we asked for written confirmation from the school that they would not help him to obtain any drugs and would alert us if he tried to, which they agreed.
However, later that year, when he was 16 – and bypassing the computer that was linked to mine and instead using a school computer – he contacted a website which provides these drugs, even to youngsters. I’ve since seen the emails between him and this “clinic”, which is based abroad. One of the questions they asked him was whether he wanted breasts. Of course he said “Yes”. I firmly believe that what drives a lot of these teenage boys is sexual urges. And they’re being groomed by older men online, like the men he was chatting to through the chess game.
The clinic told Jonathan that he needed to have counselling first (we later learnt it was a one-hour session) before they would send him a box full of cross-sex hormones and blockers. Unbelievably, it was paid for by the clinic itself with something they call a “scholarship fund”. He had pleaded poverty, so they sent him the drugs for free."
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