My whole body feels burning sensation every time I'm screwed up. It feels I'm in hell and my hallucinations isn't controllable.

POV you'd been warned by your girlfriend

This is me when I'm screwed up and it's also happening when my brain stop working.

Well, if you want to know, my inner world is kinda complicated to understand, it looks like decrypting the messages from old school Enigma machine before Alan Tuning makes an machines to help decrypt it. Every I'm depressed due something that won't fit my goal or something else that I need to reach, my brain isn't responding and it breaks my schedule. While I'm screwed up, immediately I am taking a break and I'm paralyzed to do anything and sleeping won't help. Am I disabled? Yeah, but not physically. Physically I'm fine, but mentally, I'm broke out. Also, my brain is currently in neurodivergent loop. I don't have an good environment to express my freedom and I'm eventually got disconnected when I'm screwed up. So, what should I do?

It's been a while I didn't on Nostr.

I have only few close friends which it's already know about me, but in the Internet. But in real life, I am really alone. Somehow I'm trying to build a society both on the Internet and with some real people for rebuilding my social relationships, but it's failed. I'm really want to know how my brain's conditions and see which the damages from childhood incident and trauma, which caused me into neurodevelopmental problems in 17 years ago. But, I was already know that I'm born pretty special and I remember when I could read, write, and count in my child where I was 2 years old. Also, I have already experience social withdrawals during my childhood time due to getting bullied without any clear reasons. My parents did that and they gave me the cell phone to make me keep in happiness mood. That time is my first time to use Nokia's cellphone and when I'm going to my grandparents's house and there's I meet my uncle who are college student at the time are using laptop with Windows 7 at the time, it's my first time have experience computer when I was 5 years old and also when I'm using my uncle's featured phone 17 years ago, it's also my first time ever to accessing the Internet. 2010 to 2015, it's my nightmare years when I was entering elementary school at the time. I have been bullied for thousands times at the time. Then 2015 to 2022, it's my second nightmare and it's really breaking my old wounds at the time. Basically, my middle school time is 100% nightmare for me. Then in 2023 until now is freedom time, where I am finally free but the wounds that I receive a thousand times or even more makes mental is really unstable until now. Since I'm really confident at first time knowing about decentralised social network like fediverse with ActivityPub or Nostr, my social life is getting better, even I have few followers and few engagements, at least I am safe now. But I don't guarantee it will keep safe, so I decided to cover up my real identity from unnecessary stuff, unless for administrative purposes. If you have seen these posts on anywhere in Nostr network, that's my life history which it's true sad stories of my origin.

For anybody outside Nostr network, if you found my name and my account on your access, welcome to my inner world! I'll share about myself and my life here as place for sharing stories since I have no idea which I should talk to. Also, I don't have much trusted friend both on real life and internet. I'll use my Nostr network access as place for sharing about my inner world which I never explain in outside decentralized social network and feel free to get connected with me by becoming friends by following me or DM me if you're interested. Why I want to share my inner world here which I've never tell anybody outside decentralized social network? Because I'm feeling safe and since only few people knows me, I'm free to share anything that I want to share with minimum audience.

It's really hard to get in touch with somebody at LinkedIn, even though I had someone interested in getting connected with me. But in Fediverse (especially on the Nostr network), I want to get connected with anyone who want to know more about me.

How I can start the live streaming on Nostr network? It seems interesting since I want to interact with anybody but YouTube doesn't fit for me.

Did you know who is this guy? Yeah, it's Kitboga, a scambaiting comedian who fought scammer with call them, being grandpa/grandma, and wasting their time for reducing the chances to meet real victims. Yeah, I love his job to fight a scammer and make their mental is "fried" by this guy. As you know he's also developing the anti-scam software called Seraph Secure. I would like to support his actions both for developing his software and making the comedy scambait show to aware them to not getting scammed. Great job, Kitboga!