I’ve been thinking — no, worrying — about this bitcoin thing. What if the government wakes up one morning and decides it’s displeased? The Bible says government is ordained by God, so if the government disapproves, then surely God disapproves, and I would be—how do you say—sinning by holding it. Better to sell now, before the thunderbolt of divine-and-official disfavor strikes.
Imagine the headline: “Local Man Defies Almighty and IRS.” They’ll send a polite letter first, the kind that makes your hands tremble: “Do you still possess any bitcoin?” And what will I do? Admit it on my tax return? Check “yes” and sign with trembling blood? No. Because once they know, they’ll know. Once they know, they’ll suspect. And suspicion breeds inquiries, and inquiries breed subpoenas, and subpoenas lead to awkward conversations at PTA.
Besides, everyone knows bitcoin was invented by cyber people who don’t like the government. I do not want to look like I might be one of those people. There are drug dealers and prostitutes in possession of bitcoin. I would be mistaken for a drug dealer. I would be mistaken for a prostitute. My lawn would acquire an unseemly reputation. People would whisper. Children would point.
And suppose they outlaw it. Imagine the law books suddenly rewritten, the statute’s ink still wet, and me in possession of even a satoshi. Would I resist? No. I would have to be a bad boy. They would come with firm expressions and clipboards. I would be shamed at the post office for mailing myself back to virtue.
So I must act now. Sell it all. Turn my ledger into cash. Replace radical decentralization with polite centralization. Exchange liberty for comfort, sovereignty for sleep. After all, if the Lord and the state agree, who am I to dissent?